I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
