I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
They left me at home... I'm a liability
How naked do you want me to be?
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