And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
