drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Randomize
