i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
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Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
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Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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