i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
