I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
