i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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