im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
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