If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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