i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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