So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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