Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
