just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
