saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
