i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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