Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
