I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Randomize
