Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Randomize
