i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
