Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
