it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
