her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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