I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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