And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
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