I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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