So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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