I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Randomize
