Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Randomize
