I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
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