After last night, I could never be a politician.
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
