I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
