I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Randomize
