This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
