So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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