my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Randomize
