shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
