Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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