someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
