my soul wont recognize me after tonight
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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