Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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