I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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