plz talk dirty to me
My Higher Power is John Stamos
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
