i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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