Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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