FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
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