a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
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