i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
you had me at cake vodka
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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