i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
