i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
