Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I'm bleeding and have questions
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