SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
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Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
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You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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