you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Congratulations! We have a period
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
