from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
