The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize