I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
