Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
