So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
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