GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
