One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
