made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
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