This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I don't deserve a penis
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
