i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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