I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
