I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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