If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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