My friends, they love my intelligence
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
