I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
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