I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
