if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Someone stole a lamp last night.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
