he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
