I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
