Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
