We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
