I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
