Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
