Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
